Understanding the concept of love starts in childhood, as children observe the way their parents interact with one another. The way a child perceives their parents' relationship during early childhood development can influence their understanding of "appropriate behavior".
When a child comes from a home where "appropriate behavior" looks like a parent who is abusive to other family members, substance abuse, unstable living situation, or mental illness of a parent, the child will, unfortunately, develop scars that will follow them into adulthood. With these scars, it is hard for an adult to function appropriately.
Parents, it is so vital to understand that your parenting actions can lead your child to flourish and have a healthy, loving relationship with you and others in adulthood, or your child can turn into a menace to society, have difficulty fostering any loving relationships in adulthood or resent you for life.
The statistical rates of dysfunctional families in the U.S. are frightening. In my role as a nurse coach, I have listened to numerous personal accounts of individuals who only realized that they were raised in a dysfunctional household during adulthood, after getting married, having a significant other, or becoming a parent. As I listened to these stories, a common thread emerged - many felt unloved and unprotected as children by their parents.
I want to share a few tips on how survivors of dysfunctional families can get healed from the hurt, pain, and confusion of the trauma they have dealt with.
Speak your truth to your parents: Let them know how they affected your life with the dysfunction and forgive them and yourself.
Seek professional help: Getting emotional healing from a licensed therapist or nurse coach in a confidential and non-judgmental environment can help you build a healthier relationship with yourself.
Practice positive affirmations in your daily routine: an effective tool in overcoming negative thinking patterns and creating new neural pathways for positive thoughts.
Journaling: helps you reconnect with yourself on a deeper emotional level with your thoughts and feelings; with time, it will help you learn to love yourself from within.
Find your tribe: Support groups can help you develop better relationships with others.
If you have difficulty identifying what love is supposed to look like, the Bible provides guidance. Please reflect on this scripture passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."
My final message to the survivors of the dysfunctional family is that your parents did the best they could with the resources they had. They probably were raised in a dysfunctional home and continued the cycle of generational curses, and no one took the time to love and protect them in their youth.
As a parent, you have the opportunity to break free from any negative patterns or generational curses and set a positive example for the next generation. You play an essential role as a hero in your child's life, providing guidance, love, and protection. Remember that your child looks up to you and relies on you for support and care.
If this post resonates with you and you could benefit from my transformative coaching sessions to get the healing you need to thrive, sign up for a free discovery call.
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