As nurses, we show up to work fully present, pouring all our love and care into our patients and families. But as nurses, we rarely care for ourselves because of a flawed system design that has shaped how we function in most areas of our lives. In most hospital cultures, the nurse is guilt-tripped into feeling like she is being selfish if she takes a restroom break and hasn't finished a task or has a 30-minute lunch break, especially if no one is around to answer the telephones or call lights due to being short-staffed. Sadly, we skipped lunch and wished we had a Foley catheter to take care of the restroom break. This constant behavior of self-neglect is embarrassing as I am writing this out, but it is the reality of many healthcare professionals.
Therefore, in healthcare, you see nurses in the media who are angry, powerless, fearful, and experiencing burnout at an alarming rate and leaving their chosen profession.
What if I told you there's a way to heal the caregivers? By showing ourselves self-compassion, we can improve our well-being and enhance the care we provide to others.
In Webster's dictionary, Compassion is defined as sympathetic consciousness of another's distress together with a desire to alleviate it. When our children are hurt, sick, or struggling with big emotions, we show them compassion by being patient and providing love, comfort, and support. With the unwavering love, unconditional support, and utmost comfort we provide our children, they recover from their suffering and emerge from it as stronger and more resilient individuals.
As healthcare professionals, caregivers, and public servants, it is a common practice to show compassion to others and ignore our own personal suffering. We harbor the feelings of being viewed as selfish or weak if we acknowledge our human experience of pain. This narrative of self-sacrifice and lack of self-compassion no longer serves your overall well-being.
What is Self-compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness and understanding while being mindful of your human experience.
Be aware of the suffering of life as part of being human; life is not perfect and is not meant to be. Acknowledge your suffering nonjudgmentally as a part of life and that you are not alone in your experience. Treat yourself with kindness, love, and unwavering support. If you must change a situation to better care for yourself, leap at the opportunity.
How do we find it easier to show compassion towards others but struggle to offer the same level of kindness and understanding towards ourselves?
When we fail to show compassion towards ourselves, we tend to exhibit anger towards others, neglect our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, and resort to coping mechanisms that may not be healthy for us.
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff introduced self-compassion as comprising three separate constructs: Self-kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness.
Self-kindness
Dr. Neff explains that self-kindness is about showing kindness and understanding toward ourselves when we fail at something or when we are hurt.
It's vital to acknowledge and accept our flaws to grow and improve. With patience and understanding, we can work towards positive changes and become the best version of ourselves.
When facing difficult circumstances, being kind to yourself and avoiding self-criticism is essential.
Common Humanity
Dr. Neff explains that having Common Humanity means viewing our own individual experiences as embedded in the broader human experience, rather than seeing ourselves as isolated or separate from others.
It may be helpful to view your difficulties as a natural part of life that everyone experiences." and
When you feel inadequate, reminding yourself that others also experience similar feelings occasionally can be helpful. This realization can provide comfort and reassurance that you are not alone in your struggles.
Mindfulness
Lastly, Dr. Neff explains, when practicing self-compassion, we acknowledge our negative thoughts and emotions without dwelling on them excessively. Instead, we strive for a healthy balance between over-identifying with our feelings and completely avoiding difficult experiences. Doing so allows us to approach our emotions with a positive and constructive mindset.
Test how self-compassionate you are. Click on the link to get insight into your level of self-compassion.
How can I cultivate self-compassion?
Practice mindfulness by staying present and meditating.
Practice positive affirmations to rewire your brain for positivity and disrupt negative thoughts.
We often try to follow the Golden Rule from the Gospel of Matthew, which says, "In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you." Therefore, focusing on treating yourself like your best friend is essential. As you would be kind and compassionate to your best friend, show yourself the same love and respect.
Don't be too quick to tear yourself apart with self-judgment.
Accept that you are human and doing your best with the resources available. It's okay not to be perfect because no one is perfect. Acknowledge both your character strengths and shortcomings.
It can be challenging to rewire your brain to be compassionate towards yourself, especially when we've been taught from a young age to treat others how we want to be treated. While the Golden Rule is often emphasized, it is only sometimes practiced in reality. Schedule a complimentary Discovery call at Shining Light Holistic Health and Wellness if you need coaching support in cultivating self-compassion.
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